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Mrs. City Boy

~ Our little corner of the Midwest!

Mrs. City Boy

Tag Archives: Mental health

Looking Ahead

30 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by becky6259 in Feeling Better, Our Life and Times

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

Mental health, music, song, Suicide, The Secret Sisters, Tomorrow Will Be Kinder, well being

Today I discovered that my sweet niece is contemplating suicide.  

She struggles with physical pain, and has been trying to let go of a troubled past.  She is happy with her marriage to an attentive, great guy, and that’s a big blessing in her life.  But sometimes, when it all is crashing in on her at once, she is unable to hold on to her sweet and caring spirit enough to realize that she matters too much to give up.

The Secret Sisters at Newport 2011

The Secret Sisters at Newport 2011 (Photo credit: wfuv)

The first time I ever heard this song, performed by The Secret Sisters, I was visiting another blog (Let’s Have Another Piece of Pie) and I loved it instantly, so I sent it to my niece along with my prayers and an invitation to call any time.

I thought you might like it as much as I do.  

Related articles
  • HEY, so this is what it feels like to be happy. (theangryattorney.wordpress.com)
  • The Reality of Physical and Emotional Pain (i.e.- it’s isn’t pretty, but it exists) (ohwhatapain.wordpress.com)
  • ✫ Suicide: Solace or Suffering? (revpeggyray.wordpress.com)
  • Addressing Acute Pain (123mymdblog.com)

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When the Sun Shines Somewhere Else

28 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by becky6259 in Feeling Better, Tips and Tricks

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

depression, grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement, healing, hurt feelings, loss, Major depressive disorder, Mental health, sadness, self help, Support group

Grief

Sometimes even the most positive, upbeat people have days where nothing can cheer us up.  We may be grieving a loss, depressed, hurt — whatever it is, there is just no consoling us.  We try keeping busy, praying, exercising, thinking positive, pills, any number of things, but our mind just stays in a funk and the depressed thoughts keep trickling (or flooding) back.

Most of us have had days like this, or maybe even many days in a row like this, or even weeks and months, and just don’t know what to do to combat it except “ride it out.”  As I’ve mentioned in a post before, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s just that sometimes the light takes time to appear.

13085005_sDeep grief is difficult to combat, and to be honest, that kind of thing should somewhat be allowed to run its own course.  In other wards, for a little while, don’t try and fight it.  It’s natural to feel grief when someone we’re close to has died, or a loss has happened in our lives (divorce, sudden loss of a long-term job, etc).  One time years ago when a family member died, I was told that it was a sin to grieve, and that, as Christians, we should believe that the deceased is now better off and that our grieving is a selfish act.

Although I am a believing Christian, I do not agree with the above statement.  Jesus is sinless and God’s son, so it stands to reason that He would not have wept and felt compassion for those grieving the loss of a loved one if it was a sin to grieve.  After a period of mourning, grieving people in the Bible, due to necessity, went on about their lives.

Grief is such a natural emotion, as a matter of fact, that I really have not found any better way of dealing with it than time and allowing oneself to experience it.  I am not talking about wallowing in grief for the rest of your life — simply not denying yourself the right to miss a lost loved one is probably more healthy than deciding that it’s wrong to grieve.

Nobody is expected to forget a loved one who has passed on.  But as a living person, we are expected to go on living.  Some of the suggestions further in this post may also help in this process.

5767616_sThe loss of a job or spouse is a different kind of grief, but a strong one just the same.  Feelings are usually hurt, there is anger and bitterness, and all this on top of going through the grieving process.  It can seem overwhelming, not to mention that, many times, the source of our grief may keep showing up to open up healing wounds.  Many people going through a divorce or job loss have this in common.  I can’t count the number of times while working in the counseling center that I heard statements like this:

“I was having a pretty good day, then the phone rang and it was (absent spouse) out of the clear blue, calling me to let me know that he was suing me for custody of the kids.”

“Yesterday I had a great job interview, and seemed pretty positive about my chances, then they called and said they had spoken with (previous long-term job supervisor), and suddenly this new place didn’t want to hire me any more.”

“My ex kept coming by my job so many times and causing a scene until I finally was terminated.”

10393551_sThe best advice I’ve ever heard came from Rob, someone for whom the advice had worked well.  He said, “Stay as far away from the source of your sadness/anger as possible.  Don’t call them, and if there are reasons to have to call them (such as coordinating visits with children, working out details of the house, trying to ask for a good reference from a former job, etc), take steps to eliminate those reasons.  The less you have direct contact with or know about what is going on with them the better.  After that, don’t accept calls or emails from them unless absolutely necessary.  The U.S. Postal Service is an underused medium — now is the time to renew your acquaintance with it.  In this day and age, most people have caller ID.  And whether you do or don’t, most people have voicemail and answering machines.  You can figure out from a message whether the call is anything you need to address and then call them back if necessary (nine times out of ten it really won’t be).  Force yourself to distance yourself from them, at least for the time being.  You’ll be happier for it.”

He also mentioned that the same applies to anyone who wants to give you “helpful” information about what is going on with your old spouse/job.  Ask the people in your life at the get-go to refrain from imparting any information about this person/place of business.  Let them know that a listening ear is sometimes what they can give you that will be the most helpful.

Again, time is sometimes the greatest healer.  Get plenty of sleep, keep yourself medically and physically in shape, pray, and try to put a positive twist to whatever you do or think about in a day.  The last piece of advice Rob gave was the best — When in the deepest part of grief or depression, do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing.  In other wards, if you feel like lashing out, act out in kindness instead.  When you feel spiteful, show thoughtfulness instead.  When you want to break something, breathe fresh air or the scent of a fragrant flower instead.  Things like this will start to train your mind to automatically use a different way of thinking that will ultimately take you on a happier, more peaceful path.

18542455_sThe same advice seems like it would apply to having hurt feelings as well.  Many times we are left “cut to the quick” by people we have opened ourselves to be the most vulnerable to.  Being hurt and then left to deal with it, especially when there is no recourse, can make us think we are going crazy.  Hurt and anger can be a volatile mixture.  It can lead to spiteful, vengeful behavior and bitter feelings if not held in check.  To think of others having everything good while we are wallowing in our misery can be maddening.

It seems so trite and without feeling to advise a person going through this to just “get over it” or to say, “They’ll get theirs!”  People going through this feel like they need relief from the torture right now.  Yet, like many things, sometimes these types of issues heal best with time.  

I used to be a big advocate of talking to the offending person and telling them how they made me feel.  As time and experience later taught me, not every situation is made better by this tactic — sometimes it was even made worse.  One must pick and choose when “talking it out” is the course of action to take.  It depends upon the person that is being talked to and the situation.  One must use a discerning and logical train of thought when deciding on this course of action.  This is a time to think with your brain and not your heart.

Here are some ways to help deal with depression that I learned from my work in the counseling center, and also from personal experience and the personal experiences of friends and acquaintances who went through similar experiences:

  • 15665369_sGet plenty of sleep — We’re not talking about the kind of sleep that depressed people tend to gravitate toward, where all they want to do is lay in bed all day and sleep on-and-off and be up most of the night.  We’re talking about a full eight hours.  Take melatonin, do mind exercises that empty your mind of thoughts of anything but sleep, and pray.  It’s difficult to deal with depression and it’s causes if you’re doing it while sleep deprived.
  • Exercise and fresh air — this can be the biggest help for depression and yet is the thing that most depressed people want to do the least.  Force yourself to get out and get moving.
  • Positive thought — It does sound cliche, but if you replace every negative, hurtful, spiteful, vengeful thought with a positive, self-affirming, lovely thought, you will be surprised at how much it will change things.  Your mind will begin to automatically do this after awhile, and your positive outlook will change your life.
  • Drink plenty and don’t starve yourself or overeat — Depression is deepened if you’re having to deal with feeling physically bad on top of it.
  • 5869340_sConsider temporarily taking medication to help get over the hump — consider this option very carefully.  I am not a strong advocate of using psychotropics, but in certain cases a medically supervised period of medication may help to get over that first hurdle.  I’m not one to advise taking these types of medication for over a year or so (less if possible), unless you have been diagnosed with a chemical imbalance that has rendered you chronically depressed, and then only under a doctor’s strict supervision.
  • Stay active and social — Most people who are having a rough time dealing with depression stop wanting to be around other people in social situations.  The people I have seen come through rough times the best were those who allowed themselves a few days off from socializing after a major depressing blow, and then forced themselves to get back out there.  They adjusted much better and more rapidly.

Life is so full of ups and downs and twists and turns.  We’re all human and all have to go through a lot of the same things, depression being one of them.  As far as being able to identify with each other and help, we’re all in this together.

There may be things in this post that people may have opposing opinions about, or ideas that I didn’t put in this post that may be helpful.  What are some of the most helpful ways of coping for you when dealing with depression or grief?  

Related articles
  • Coping With Grief: How to Handle Your Emotions (everydayhealth.com)
  • Grief Is Not A Disease (littleblogoflettinggo.com)
  • Elderly and grieving after a loss (whptv.com)
  • Grief (lindsaystevenson1984.wordpress.com)
  • The Worst Thing to Say to Someone Who is Grieving (losinglucyandfindinghope.wordpress.com)
  • Grief Is a Part of the Cycle of Life (cherokeebillie.wordpress.com)

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The Mother Of All Depressions — Pun Intended

05 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by becky6259 in Holidays/Seasons, Nature, Our Life and Times, Winter

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Arkansas, baby, baby photographs, day moon, Mental health, moon, photographs, Photography, Postpartum depression, Snow, winter, winter weather

Ah, no matter where you go, it’s always good to be home!  Even the best vacation has a point at which your own space, your own stuff, your own bed, just cannot be beat.  I’m glad to be home, but so very glad I got to spend some time visiting my daughter Megan, her husband, and my two grandsons.

My newest grandbaby is two months old, and he’s a real charmer!  Megan’s older son (I’ve talked about him on this blog before, here, for example) is still my little buddy, and always in a good mood.  My 21-year-old son, Joel, lives with Megan, so I get to visit with him while I’m there, and that really rounds out visits to Arkansas!

A big snowstorm came right after I arrived at their house — it was quite a show!  On the way there I had time to get a picture of a wonderful day moon.  After that came a blanket of snow.

Day Moon

My son-in-law's lonely looking bike in the backyard during the snowfall

My son-in-law’s lonely looking bike in the backyard during the snowfall

Some green grass growing by the fence row that had been enjoying the Spring weather and now sitting there as if thinking, "What the.....???!!!"

Some green grass growing by the fence row that had been enjoying the Spring weather and now is sitting there as if thinking, “What the…..???!!!”

The above-ground pool -- not enticing for a swim at this moment!

The above-ground pool — not enticing for a swim at this moment!

English: Cone Queen Ice-Cream Truck with Owner...

On the day I left to come home, I had been out earlier with my grandson, both of us with no outerwear because the weather had turned warm and we bought some ice cream from the ice cream truck!  Talk about a fast change in weather!

On a totally unrelated note, during the visit, although I loved being there and had a great time, a few unsettling things had me worried.

Something that hits close to home for a lot of mothers is now heavy on my mind.  Megan is now going through what is termed postpartum depression.  She suffered from this when she had her first child, so she hasn’t been very surprised that it’s hit her after her second one, but she is having a struggle getting on top of it.  I feel bad for her and worry about her, even though she is certain this will pass.

We’re not talking about murderous psychosis here, but just general postpartum depression.  That’s bad enough, I know.  But Megan is just not herself, and it hurts a mom terribly to see her daughter going through this.

There is not much I can say that is of any help to her.  I was diagnosed with postpartum depression after my second child came along, but I tend to think that my depression at that time was more situational than hormonal.  A lot of time has passed since then as well, and details about it aren’t as fresh any more.

Do any of you mothers who have had postpartum depression remember what it was like going through this kind of thing?  What did you do that helped?  I would really appreciate any helpful hints, and would certainly pass them on to Megan!

On a lighter note, there is another baby in the family that I haven’t posted about for a while, and that is Becca’s Precious Baby — and wow, is she growing!

Feb17Beccasbaby

The Face-maker

The Face-maker

Precious Baby is now is now two-and-a-half months old, and has developed quite the personality — Frank and I can’t wait to get to Texas at the end of March for Easter and get our  hands on her!  I’ll be trying to take some pictures of her and Daniel’s Angel Baby (among others) to bring back home with me!

So much to talk about, so little time — rest is the next thing on my list of things to do for now, but lots is going on and I’m looking forward to posting again.  Until then, have a great day!

Related articles
  • Stress hormone foreshadows postpartum depression in new mothers (medicalxpress.com)
  • Who’s at Risk for Postpartum Depression? (everydayhealth.com)
  • Postpartum Depression-How Common Is It (theallegiant.com)
  • Jammies, the First Baby Product that Helps Fight Postpartum Depression, Launches Today (prweb.com)

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becky6259

becky6259

My daddy married a city girl and put her in the country, and then I married a city boy and he put me in the city...for awhile anyway. We're now living in small-town Mid-Missouri and enjoying the best of both worlds!

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