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Year 5~Day 37 +8/365 AND Day 1498: Watching Ha...

The television is on and we’re flipping through channels trying to find something to watch — something that isn’t too awful goofy.  Hmmm, let’s see, flip, flip, flip.  Okay, so we’ll take a little goofy, just not totally stupid.  Flip, flip, flip.  Okay, so now we’re running out of channels, and we’ll take a little stupidity.  Just so long as it’s got SOMEthing going for it — anything.  Flips through another unknown number of channels.   Now we’re getting desperate.  

Rosie O'Donnell at the premiere of I Am Becaus...

English: Howard Stern in 2000.

As long as it doesn’t have Rosie O’Donnell or Howard Stern we’ll take it.  We end up with a choice between The Food Channel and The Hallmark Channel.   City Boy has given up and gone into the living room to read his Kindle.

And that’s one reality we in America just deal with complacently — 10,000 television stations at our fingertips and yet, nothing to watch.  I thought it might be fun to take a lighthearted look at one of America’s favorite pastimes, watching television, and poke a little good-humored fun at it.  


Why are we paying for tv and then being bombarded with paid infomercials and commercials?  Have you ever timed how much of a tv program/movie is spent in advertising bent on getting you to spend even more money?  Well, let me give you an idea; I once timed commercial time during a two-hour movie.  The times may vary from movie to movie, but this particular one devoted 40 minutes to advertising.  That’s a lot of going-to-the-restroom time, or even getting in a whole nap.

Okay, so we know advertising can’t be trusted — the goal is to get you to part with your money and they will say and do anything to win you over.  It’s not enough that the company that brings us all those channels charge US for the privilege, but they also charge a whopping amount to those advertisers we are forced to have interrupt our viewing pleasure.  

The media in general can’t be trusted–much of what it brings into our homes as far as information is based on a twisted reality.  The media is a tool for relaxation and basic information, but depending on it for accuracy will give you inconsistent results at best.  So that’s #1 in the reality-that-isn’t-quite-reality department.  After all, does anybody still believe what all the hype said about the Mayan prediction that the world was going to end December 21, 2012?

Rachel Ray

Food Programs.

Have you ever been watching a cooking show and followed them all through the making of a dish from scratch (it makes you hungry just watching) and the cook gets finished, plates the food, and takes the first bite, then says, “This is really bland.  Maybe I should have added more onion salt.”?  No, you haven’t.  That will never happen.  What you hear them say after that first bite along with satisfied slurps and ooos and ahhhs makes it sound like that dish is SO good that you will never eat anything else again.

Then, when you try the recipe yourself at home and it turns out, well, lacking, it’s like you’ve been lied to.  Well, that’s the reality; you HAVE been lied to.

Disclaimer: There are many recipes on tv that turn out to be great.  Just saying.

Hallmark Channel Scandilux

Hallmark Movies.

Main Character (MC) rides into town, usually a small town.  Within a few day’s time the townspeople are asking, no, begging MC to do something for them that they haven’t figured out how to do, because we all know that small town people are totally inept and that they will ask the first stranger who comes along to be their leader.  They have a high interest in MC’s dating life, and try to get involved in any way they can.  The end of the movie usually ends up with the whole town cheering for something MC has done and/or rallying forth together to offer MC some huge service or gift.  This scenario is especially true for the Christmas movies.  They stop just short of carrying MC off on their shoulders singing “For He’s/She’s a Jolly Good Fellow” and instead opt for saying “Aw!” and applauding when MC finally kisses the love interest that all the townspeople have been openly hoping MC would get with.  

Oh, and there’s always some part of the movie where MC suddenly gets some neurotic panic attack and gets rude with everybody and leaves town suddenly with little in the way of explanation or even “Hey, thanks for being friends with me even though I’m a total self-absorbed ingrate.”  

Fluoxetine HCl 20mg Capsules (Prozac)

When MC takes a Prozac or something and has a change of heart and comes back, all the townspeople totally forget or don’t even notice that MC acted like a total butt before, and all is again well.

The reality, of course, is that people in small towns are not like that.  They don’t care about MC’s love life, or really anything else about MC.  If MC gets with the most eligible bachelor/bachelorette in town, the other eligible bachelors/bachelorettes will make MC’s life miserable.  And they won’t be as quick to forget when MC acts like a butt.  

Commercials That Make You Press the Mute Button and Close Your Eyes.

Beautiful, model-thin woman sits at a beautiful little desk.  On the desk is a piece of paper, a pen, and some knickknacks.  She stands up, walks around to the front of the desk, and opens a piece of chocolate candy (She can’t just sit at her desk and eat it?).  The song in the background suggests that she’s been working SO hard and deserves something for all the work she does (Really?  What kind of exhausting work does she do with a piece of paper and a pen?).  She takes a tiny nibble off of one corner of the candy that is so small she can’t taste it, then spends the rest of the commercial staring at it admiringly.  Then, in some versions of the commercial, she licks the end of one of her fingers.  What’s with that?  She didn’t do anything that there would be anything to lick off!

English: Untidy Desk

The reality is, she would have continued sitting at her desk and popped the whole chocolate in her mouth, or at least half of it.  The top of the desk would have been covered with stuff, and it would have been a bigger desk.  And she would probably have had on sweats or pajamas.  People who work really hard would not deserve a nibble of chocolate candy, they’d deserve a bag of it.  All at once.  Yeah.

Okay, so now I guess I’ll have to wrap up this post because now I want some candy.  Or maybe something along the breakfast pastry line.  And I’m going to sit here at my desk in my robe and fuzzy socks and have at it.